This last year has brought changes moving me
forward in this new and different life.
I don’t know where these changes will lead, but as long as the Lord is
in them I know I am on a “right” path.
Just about a year ago I found myself working,
coming home, collapsing on the couch and staying there until I crawled into bed
only to do the same thing the next day. I filled in other days trying to keep up with
housework and yard work. I’m certain I am not alone in this routine. My adjustment to the workplace was met with significant
physical difficulty. Additionally, it
was an unhappy workplace. I loved the
job, but working with unhappy people made it impossible to continue. I was left wondering everyday if this would
be the day I would be fired. Although I
knew I was doing my job well, even after I had an excellent review,I was made to feel I was a failure. I eventually realized that this was their
workplace and this was the way they wanted their workplace to be. Because I needed to work I was determined to
do my best and continue in this job. It was impossible.
My husband and I had always had a project in the
works at home. We moved walls, put in
landscaping, built arbors, redesigned our master bathroom. Actually, it was me pulling my dear husband
into another adventure I had dreamed up.
We loved doing our projects together.
I would dream them up and he would tell me how it could be done – or not. I couldn’t do these things on my own; I didn’t
know how. But he was brilliant and had
the skills I lacked. Now, I no longer
had projects or dreams. My project
partner was gone. So, each evening after
a very stressful workday I collapsed fearing what tomorrow would bring. Something had to change.
Many years ago I had played around with polymer
clay. I had seen a craft show on
television demonstrating what one person did with it. I was fascinated and thought I would give it
a try. My attempt was too advanced for
my beginners’ skill level and I lacked the time to devote to practicing and
improving. I put my poorly designed
beads in a drawer and forgot about them.
I remembered that the clay was inexpensive. This was essential to me now that I am on my
own and my resources are limited. Now, I
have the time to practice and learn.
Now, I need to have a new project to pour myself into; a project I can
do on my own. Maybe I could try polymer
clay again. A quick trip to the craft
store for a couple of packages of polymer clay and tools and I was on my
way. I looked around the internet for
ideas. One evening after work I spent
the evening working with my polymer clay.
My friend Cheryl came over to play too and try out my new
adventure. For the first time since my
sweet husband had died, I was doing a project on my own. I reproduced some beads I had seen a
demonstration of. Then I used a small
cutter to make petals and I put them together and made a lovely flower. Cheryl was experienced in jewelry making. She
made glass bead jewelry. She showed me
how to take the beads I had made and construct a lovely necklace. I was so excited! The next day I took my jewelry to work to
show off my accomplishments and one of the girls in the office immediately
wanted to purchase the necklace and flower pins. I went home that evening with a new sense of
purpose.
The tension in the office where I worked continued
to the point of becoming unbearable. Although I needed to work, I could no
longer work there. Whatever the repercussions,
I had to leave. I gave two weeks
notice. I went home that last day freed, ready to find a new direction. I continued to spend time
working with polymer clay. Cheryl and I
had clay play days, as I called them. She
continued to teach me more about jewelry construction and design concepts. The Lord blessed me with a great friend in
Cheryl. Her husband had also had a
double lung transplant. She understood
what I had been through and I understood what she was and continues to go
through on the transplant journey. So
our clay play days were about more than playing with clay. They were about surviving.
Because of the response of my co-worker toward my
jewelry I thought I might be able to supplement my income by selling some of my
polymer clay creations. My daughter was
working with a jewelry artist and taught me about different avenues I could use
to sell my jewelry. I started out with a
shop on Etsy. Then I had a jewelry show
at my home. I invited nearly everyone I
knew. Quite a few people came and they
even bought my jewelry! I was
astonished! My sweet daughter and dear
friend Cheryl helped me through every aspect of the evening. Cheryl also had her clay jewelry and glass
bead jewelry there. It was a wonderful
evening. Over the next several months I
continued making my jewelry, learning new techniques and improving my skills and sold my jewelry to friends.
I got a new part time job I love. One day an employee asked about a
necklace I was wearing. Surprised that I
had made it, she asked if I was going to have a booth at an upcoming local
fair. I had not heard of the fair before. She encouraged me to apply, because my
jewelry was beautiful. I had applied to another local event earlier in the year
but was declined. So I was hesitant to
try again. She continued to
encourage me to apply after looking at my Etsy shop. I submitted my application and was accepted. My new goal was to make jewelry for this
fair.
Early in the summer before this fair I made a trip
to visit my family. I took my finished
jewelry with me. Where ever I went, they
loved my jewelry and I sold enough jewelry to pay for my trip. One of my sisters had her daughters come to
visit. They all loved my jewelry
too. One morning as we were preparing a
late breakfast, my niece called asking if she could take my jewelry to her
office as set it up for the staff to look at during lunch. My sister and I quickly made a list of the
pieces and priced each item. Her
daughter came and took the jewelry back to her office. After lunch we went to pick up the
jewelry. The employees loved my
jewelry. Not just the employees, but
also the lead physician in the office!
She was so excited about the two necklaces she bought she had to meet “the
artist”! She also wanted to have her
picture taken with “the artist”. I could
not believe what was happening. The
staff bought quite a few pieces of my jewelry.
Before leaving to come home, my nieces decided they wanted to keep some
of my jewelry there to continue selling it for me to the local shops they
knew. Another niece advised me on the overall presentation of my jewelry and helped package each piece. Over the next several months they
continued to send me checks in the mail for the jewelry they sold.
After returning home from my trip, I started
working new designs for the fair. I had
also added a protective felt pouch with a polymer clay button to be given with
each piece of jewelry. As the fair date
got closer I became more and more nervous.
There were so many things to be done beyond making my jewelry. I had to design a booth and decide how to
display my jewelry. My daughter Allison
and Cheryl continued to teach me about these things I had no idea how to
do. Although these were all very
exciting things going on in my life, my heart was heavy. I was doing most of this on my own without my
greatest supporter, friend and partner.
Bill would have known just what to do and how to do it. He would have been able to tell me how to
build displays. He would have helped me
build them. He would have been able to
tell me if I was on the right track or not.
Now-----I was alone. The
decisions were mine to make. The success or failure was mine to make. Bill would have kept me from making mistakes. The
responsibility to make sure everything was finished was mine. I had all of these ideas in my head of what I
wanted to do and I had no idea of how to make them happen. The heartache of being alone was my constant
companion again.
One afternoon Cheryl called and said she was on
her way over. I believe the Lord sent
her. She is in the middle of a huge
project at her home and she left it and came to my house. I had the tables for my booth set up in my
family room. They had been there for
weeks as I was attempting to put together a look for my booth. I had purchased a canopy because the fair was
an outside event. I had never set it up
and had no idea how or if it was something I could do on my own. We actually
set up my tent in my kitchen! I had
moved all of my jewelry to the tables to review what I had and make displays
for the pieces. We moved the tables into the kitchen under the canopy. I showed Cheryl what I had done so far. She took that and then looked around the
house for more ideas and put things together and made displays. I actually had a plan for my booth! I think
she stayed until nearly midnight. I had
a great deal of work to do, but I now had a direction to go.
Over the next couple of weeks I continued to put
things together and spent several nearly sleepless nights trying to finish in
time for the fair. Hours upon hours were spent taking inventory and making sure
each item was numbered, priced, tagged and entered into the computer. There
were over 170 pieces of jewelry made by my hands. At 2 am on Saturday morning I
slowly loaded my car. I wasn’t sure it
was all going to fit! Piece by piece, box by box I carefully fit each one.
Every part of the car was full except the driver’s seat. My back and legs were
giving out, but the tasks had to be completed and there was no one else to get
them done. I can’t remember a time I had experienced such pain. As I loaded the car I thought of my husband
and how things would have been so different if he had been here. He would know how to do this; he would have
told me what to do. Throughout the week as
I struggled entering my inventory into the computer program I thought of
Bill. He would have known how to do
this; he would have told me just what to do.
He would have done it for me, so that I could get the other things done. As I worked to complete every task, I began
to wonder why I was doing this. I was overwhelmed
by it all. I was more overwhelmed doing
it alone. If Bill was here it would have
been fun. If Bill was here I would not
be overwhelmed but confident I was doing something exciting, good and
wonderful! Yes, you are right; Bill is
not here. This is what I signed up for,
alone.
As I crawled into bed for a couple of hours of
precious sleep, I prayed the Lord would ease not only the terrible pain in my
back and legs, but the pain in my heart.
He answered my prayer and gave me a time of tremendous peace and rest
and I am so very thankful. I met the
morning with renewed excitement for the day.
My first step into the public eye with my jewelry
went very well. Allison and Cheryl were
there and helped make sure everything went smoothly. My jewelry was well received and I sold many
pieces. Friends stopped by to visit and were such a wonderful encouragement. I didn’t get everything done that I had in my
mind I needed to do. What I did get done
was just what the Lord intended for me to do.
Because of His great love for me it was a success. He provided just what I needed when I needed
it each step of the way teaching me again and again to trust Him. This day, I took a few steps forward; learning
with each step just how to live this different life in Faith.
Music by The Carpenters - Won't Last a Day Without You
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