Sunday, February 24, 2013

Sacrifices 2


In the last year and a half of Bill’s life, he had to endure hemo dialsysis due to kidney failure caused by anti rejection medications.  Bill had also suffered permanent kidney damage due to complications during his lung transplant. Knowing this was likely to happen we had studied the different modalities and Bill decided it would be best to opt for home dialysis so that he would not be exposed to potential infection at a dialysis center.  His kidney’s failed suddenly and unexpectedly leaving him to have to go to a dialysis center for several months while we arranged to be trained to do his dialysis at home.  Before our training started however, Bill got an infection at the dialysis center called RSV.  It is a virus that causes a common cold.  This virus is deadly to the lung transplant patient because the inflammation caused from this virus apparently triggers chronic rejection.

After four weeks of training we were approved to begin doing hemo dialysis at home.  There are not adequate words to describe the enormity of this responsibility.  The training nurse came over for three days to make sure our equipment was set up properly and we had all of the necessary supplies.  We then had to be observed performing Bill’s dialysis without assistance for two sessions at home.  Needless to say over the next couple of weeks we experienced a few glitches that nearly sent me over the edge of reasonable sanity never to return; but we made it together.  Bill’s confidence and trust in me was unbelievable.  We were a team though; he watched me like a hawk and corrected every misstep and potential misstep.  We spent four hours, five days each week administering dialysis at home.  By all accounts we were very successful with the home dialysis. But the damage from the RSV infection was lurking in the background.

We noticed that Bill’s lung function was slipping ever so slowly and he was becoming more short of breath and oxygen dependent.  Eventually a bronchoscopy was done revealing Bill had developed a fungal infection in his lungs.  The options for treating it were limited and long term.  Bill decided he wasn’t going out without a fight (CF tenacity) and we embarked on adding an additional 3 to 4 hours of healthcare to his daily regime.  Adding another medication to his already long list was difficult due to cross interaction of so many meds.  There were few waking hours left in our day that weren’t consumed by healthcare, leaving both of us exhausted. In the end Bill was victorious!  He had given all he had to live for as long as he could.  He had dedicated himself to honoring the Lord with his life, to me and to his family. 

Now, I don’t have Bill’s strength and confidence (CF tenacity) to draw from. I have lost half (or maybe more) of who I had become. The Lord says in His Word, He is husband to the widow and father to the fatherless.  I am more dependent on that promise than I am able to describe!  Although the responsibilities have changed, the weight of new responsibilities weighs heavy making adjustments in this new life more difficult. This seems silly to me considering all that Bill and I went through for so long.  This should be a cinch!  Nonetheless, broken and poured out I will wait with my eyes fixed on Christ and the Work He continues to do in me.

The Lord has blessed me in wonderful ways.  Sometimes I am blinded by fear and confusion unable to see His Mighty Hand protecting and guiding me through the fog.  God's Word tell's us: "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

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