Promises, Promises

The subject of honesty and faithfulness in marriage came up today.  It was brought up in light of Lance Armstrong’s confessions.  I didn’t watch the program and don’t intend to.  Just like the public display of his cheating, the interview of his “confession” or “finally coming clean” about his cheating is glorifying him and what he did. It is also a type of celebration of how long he got away with his wrong behavior. News story after news story is about Lance Armstrong’s confession.  The same was true of Tiger Woods.  News and media glorify the wrong and the negative and not the way things should be or what is true and right.  Television shows display all that is wrong and bizarre as though it is “normal” acceptable behavior.  From there it seeps into society as “normal”.  It is corrosive and sad.

At the end of the post I read today the question was: Can you promise you will not cheat on your spouse? Or I guess the question really is, "What does Marriage mean to you?"

It is especially sad to me that anyone would have to ask such a question.  Shouldn’t our children know what marriage means?  Shouldn’t our children know from God’s Word, our teaching and example that there is only one meaning of marriage?

After Bill and I got married we attended the young married couples Sunday School Class.  We were using a book about marriage as a study guide; The Marriage Relationship by Wayne Mack.   Early in the book the discussion was about commitment in marriage and the meaning of vows according to the Bible.  There was no discussion of “how to get out” of a marriage.  The discussion was about the importance of understanding the seriousness and meaning of the vows we had made when we got married.  One point that stuck with me was that we are not allowed to think or use the word divorce.  That word was to never be part of our lives.  By doing this we were exercising the viewpoint that any problem we experienced had to be worked out and resolved because there was no other option.  From there we went on to study the different aspects of the marriage relationship in light of God’s Word and our responsibility.

The question that was posed above: Can you promise you will not cheat on your spouse, cries out for a Biblical response.  The need for anyone to have to ask the question at all is an example to me of how low the estate of marriage has fallen in society and how far we have strayed from God and understanding and knowing His Word. Today in the United States, more than 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  It has also become commonplace that young couples don’t marry at all; they just live together and have children together.  That way when they want to separate they don’t have to go through the expense of a divorce. Oh and of course no commitment.  They just move on and split the children, bouncing them back and forth for visitation time. We have forgotten that God created the world and everything in it.  Read the book of Genesis 1; “In the beginning God made the heaven and the earth.”…Genesis 2:7 God created man…and 21-27 God created woman…

Not only did God create the world and everything in it, He created and ordained marriage.  He also tells us in His Word what the marriage relationship is to be.  This is where the original standard for marriage began.  Genesis 2:23-24 “And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” God’s Word is the standard for life!  There are forces that are working very hard to wipe God’s presence from every aspect of our lives and look at what is happening!  The world is destroying itself through evil!

In regard to marriage and being able to promise to be faithful; Yes!  All things are possible in Christ.  When we marry we stand before God, the pastor and witnesses promising to be faithful in our marriage, to honor one another and care for one another the rest of our lives.  What we forget is that those promises are actually vows.  In Scripture a Vow is a Covenant.  Covenants cannot be broken.  In the case of marriage God, knowing how sinful the human race is, gave an innocent spouse a way “out” - adultery.  Today however, people divorce for just about any reason they can think of, dishonoring God, themselves and marriage.  I think marriages usually fail first through selfishness.  Satisfying ourselves and putting our own desires above those of our spouse brings strife and distrust into a marriage and keeps it there.  Self sacrifice, respect and love infuses a marriage with strength. Believing that your spouse loves you so much and would be willing to sacrifice himself/herself for your well being fosters strength in marriage;  Just as Christ died for our sin.

Can we promise to be faithful?  Yes, I believe we can.  We must first believe in the commitment of marriage as God has ordained it.  From there we must treat our marriage relationship as a living treasure just as we should also treat our relationship with God as a living treasure. It is after all a gift. How do we treat a treasure?  1. Keep it in a safe place 2. Keep it clean and pure 3. Keep it in good repair 4. Keep it well fed and growing

1. Keep it in a safe place – How do we keep our marriage in a safe place?  I believe this involves the relationships we have with people outside of our marriage and family along with our activities with people outside of our marriage and family that would allow us to be in a position to betray our marriage vows or at the very least compromise us.  Stay away from such activities and relationships that involve the opposite sex without our spouse.

2.  Keep it clean – Don’t involve unhealthy activities and people in our marriage that could lead us to betray our marriage vows.  This includes the words we use when we talk to one another.  Vulgar language toward one another, even in jest diminishes the respect we should have for one another.  Keep pornography out of marriage.  It gives a false vision of what a healthy marriage designed by God is supposed to be. It encourages unhealthy desires toward people outside of marriage.  We should not be looking at other people in that way. Keep conversation we have with others outside our marriage within appropriate boundaries.

3.  Keep it in good repair – Difficult as it may be to do, we should always settle differences before we go to sleep at night.  Communication is important. Find ways to handle situations in such a way as to be understanding and forgiving.  Be willing to admit when we are wrong. Treat our spouse as though he/she is more important that ourselves.  If trust is broken, work to find an agreeable solution to regain trust and commit to it. Forgive and Forget!

4. Keep it well fed and growing – The best way I know to keep a marriage well fed and growing is to worship God together through studying His Word together, praying together (and for one another), attending and being active together in a Bible believing church.  Our personal strength comes from the Lord.  It should stand to reason that our marriage strength also comes from the Lord.  Additionally, we need to be our spouse’s greatest friend, confidant and cheerleader.  This encourages growth in every part of our married life.  There should be no secrets and nothing we can’t talk to our spouse about.

Obviously, there are many, many more aspects involved in a successful married life. I have only touched on a small part here.  I believe it is the basic beginning to build on.  A personal relationship with Christ is the beginning and the ending. From there He Blesses His children with the tools we need to be successful in all aspects of our lives, even marriage.

The Lord Blessed Bill and I with a wonderful married life together that lasted 37 years.  We made the commitment to God and before God to be faithful and we were faithful to one another and to God to the end.  We weren’t perfect, but we were faithful and God was first.  We took our vows very seriously and the responsibility those vows required.    Bill was my best friend, companion and greatest cheerleader and I was his. We had our times of strife, discord and disappointment, but we stuck with it.  We had even more times of happiness, joy and blessings.  One of the first thoughts that went through my head as Bill died in my arms; “We made it”.  Praise the Lord "We made it".